junk – Michael Eats

Carolina BBQ Quarter Pounder at McDonald’s

Published on December 13, 2022 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 1001 Islington Avenue, Etobicoke
Website: https://www.mcdonalds.com/

This isn’t one of the more exciting new items on the McDonald’s menu — I can’t imagine anyone getting too worked up about it — but it sure, why not. May as well give it a shot.

The Carolina BBQ Quarter Pounder, as per the McDonald’s website: “100% Canadian quarter pound beef patty topped with sweet and tangy golden Carolina BBQ sauce, hickory smoked bacon strips, crispy onions, pickles, and two slices of processed cheddar cheese served on a toasted sesame bun.”

It’s basically a gussied up Quarter Pounder with Cheese, though that Carolina BBQ sauce does actually make it stand out somewhat.

That sauce is pretty decent; it’s arguably too sweet (it’s intense), but the sweetness is somewhat balanced out by a satisfying tanginess and smokiness. It’s a solid BBQ sauce. And while it would be too overpowering on a better hamburger, on a dry McDonald’s Quarter Pounder, it works.

The crispy onions and bacon are a good addition, though their flavour is mostly wiped out by that very intense BBQ sauce.

Gravy Lovers Sandwich at KFC

Published on November 10, 2022November 10, 2022 by Michael Nusair2 Comments

Location: 1610 The Queensway, Toronto
Website: https://www.kfc.ca/

KFC just came out with a sandwich called the Gravy Lovers Sandwich, and yes. Of course. Of course I’m going to try that sandwich. I’m sold just based on the name alone.

The Gravy Lovers Sandwich, as per the KFC website: “features our delicious hand breaded chicken filet, 1 slice of Monterey Jack cheese, creamy mayo and 1 crunchy indented hashbrown with an individual gravy.”

Here’s the problem with ordering anything from a big fast food chain: it’s a crapshoot. Sometimes you get food that’s nice and fresh, and sometimes you get food that’s… not. I very much got the latter.

It’s a decent enough sandwich in theory, I’ll give it that. How could it not be? Fried chicken + gravy is always going to be a good thing.

It comes with a surprisingly large container of gravy (which is standard KFC gravy — thick and generically salty, but tasty enough), and you’re supposed to take off the top bun and pour it onto the sandwich. I poured out about a quarter of it, and used the rest as a dip between bites.

The biggest problem here (aside from the fact that they forgot about the slice of cheese, and I guess decided to give me lettuce instead) is that both the chicken and the hashbrown had clearly been sitting in one of those warming trays for hours. Days? Weeks?? The meat had a texture that I will charitably describe as leathery, and the hashbrown (which you expect to be crispy on the outside and creamy on the inside) was crunchy and dry throughout.

The copious serving of gravy actually helped quite a bit in this regard, because the sandwich otherwise would have been inedibly dry. I finished it, and I don’t think that would have been the case if not for the added moisture from the gravy.

Also: the sandwich (on its own — no combo!) costs $11.50 before tax. Maybe I just don’t eat enough fast food these days, but I’ll admit that this gave me sticker shock. For around the same price, you can go to a local joint like Chica’s or PG Clucks and get a sandwich that’s roughly a trillion times better.

Ketchup Ice Cream (and More!) at The Ex

Published on August 25, 2022 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 210 Princes’ Boulevard, Toronto
Website: https://theex.com/

The Ex! It’s back! And clearly I’m not the only person excited about this, because despite going in the middle of the week after work, the place was as crowded as I’ve ever seen it. Clearly, there’s a lot of pent-up demand for sketchy rides, junky food, and stores selling random knick-knacks.

Of course, I was there for the food, and yes, I tried the ketchup ice cream.

Two dollar spaghetti from Primo Spaghetti

This place has been around forever, though this was my first time actually trying it. It’s pretty much exactly what you’d think a two dollar serving of spaghetti at a carnival would be: the sauce tasted like the cheapest stuff you can buy at the supermarket, and the spaghetti was overcooked mush.

Deep fried perogies from The Perogy Chef

This is another place that’s been around forever; I’ve tried this one before and I knew it would be good, and indeed it was. The perogies are tender, tasty, and slightly crispy on their exterior, and they’re doused in an oily sauce and a bunch of sweet caramelized onions. The sour cream on the side adds a nice creamy zing that rounds things out quite well. It’s a tasty snack.

Flamin’ Hot Chicken Sandwich from Fried Chicken Sandwiches

This place promises a chicken sandwich that’s tossed in chipotle mayo and coated in Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Alas, the Cheetos (or Cheeto crumbs, more accurately) are just mounded on top, which isn’t quite as fun from an appearance or a taste perspective. The whole thing is fine — it’s not the best fried chicken sandwich I’ve ever had, and it’s not the worst — but it barely has any Flamin’ Hot taste or texture.

Viet Burrito from Pho 88

This is less of a burrito and more of an overstuffed fresh roll, but it’s still pretty tasty; it’s crammed with noodles, various veggies, chicken, and a whole spring roll, and it’s wrapped in rice paper. It would have been nice if the peanut sauce were in the wrap instead of on the side (it’s a bit dry), but otherwise this was pretty good. It’s basically like a Vietnamese vermicelli noodle bowl, but crammed into a handheld package.

Fried cheese curds from the Midway

I wasn’t expecting it, but this might have been the best thing I ate at the Ex this year. The curds are gooey and tasty, and the super satisfying crispy exterior doesn’t overwhelm. It’s basically like a mozzarella stick, but better. There’s not much more to say about this one. It’s fried cheese. It’s great.

Ketchup ice cream from the Midway

Of course I tried the ketchup ice cream. How could I not? They also serve mustard ice cream; I was hoping to get both in a twist, but alas, that wasn’t an option. I suppose I could have ordered one of each, but one of these things costs twelve bucks and I wasn’t about to spend over twenty dollars on novelty ice cream. Anyway, it wasn’t bad! Would I eat it again? Absolutely not, but considering how disgusting this could have been, the fact that it’s actually pretty okay is kind of a miracle. It has an unmistakable but (and this is key) not overwhelming ketchup flavour, which combines surprisingly well with the ice cream. The ketchup flavour is present enough that you know exactly what you’re eating, but subtle enough to let the sweet ice cream be the star of the show. It’s not gross!

Nachos at Cineplex

Published on December 28, 2018 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 110 Courtneypark Drive East, Mississauga
Website: https://www.cineplex.com/Theatres/FoodAndDrink

Yes, I’m reviewing movie theatre nachos. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

I actually used to really like the nachos at Cineplex! They’re junk, but tasty junk. Or at least, they were.

I haven’t had them in ages, but I feel like they used to be way better. Maybe I’m crazy.

The nacho cheese sauce used to be salty goo that had almost no resemblance to anything even close to real cheese — and yet there was something oddly satisfying about it.

I’ll admit that it’s quite possible I’m just getting snobbier, but the nachos lacked the junky joys of their previous self.

It probably doesn’t help that the cheese comes in pre-filled containers that are too small to dip chips into.

Seriously, who designed this?? Why not make the cups slightly shorter and wider? It’s a definite “you had one job” situation.

Even outside of the hilariously ill-conceived containers, the cheese itself seemed less salty, and like it was actually trying to resemble real cheese. But it did this extremely poorly, so you wind up with something with a neither-here-nor-there flavour that’s bland and unsatisfying.

The chips themselves are exactly as I remember them, at least. They’re not great (and they always taste vaguely stale), but they’re crunchy and satisfying.

The jalapenos are the clear highlight. I love pickled jalapenos, but when you buy them at the supermarket, they’re inevitably mushy, with a disappointingly mild level of spice. These ones have a great crunch and a decent amount of heat. They take something that would otherwise be mostly inedible and make it tolerable.

Mediocre Pizza at Papa John’s

Published on May 17, 2018 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 1706 Dundas Street East, Mississauga
Website: http://www.papajohns.ca/

Papa John’s seems to be slowly but surely expanding around Toronto; I guess they must be doing okay, because they opened their first location a few years ago, and they’re still opening new ones.

I have fond memories of eating Papa John’s during my childhood trips to Florida, so I guess there’s always going to be a nostalgia-fueled spot in my heart for the place. Because the pizza from Papa John’s was pretty bad, but I still kind of enjoyed it.

The crust is tasteless and vaguely gummy, the cheese is rubbery, and the toppings are mostly what you’d expect (except for the sausage — I can’t even sugar-coat that one, the sausage is flat-out gross). But there’s still something inexplicably appealing about it. It’s junk, and yet you find yourself compelled to take another slice.

There’s that old saying about how even when pizza is bad, it’s still pretty good. That’s Papa John’s in a nutshell: it’s bad, but… it’s also kinda good?

This definitely also applies to the dipping sauce, which is basically just a tiny tub of garlic-powder-flavoured grease. I enjoyed it in the same way that I enjoyed the pizza: with a furrowed brow and a not-insubstantial hit to my self-respect.